Some points to consider about Stepfamily Situations

* Stepfamily Situations are far more common, and affect far more people than at first might appear. They are increasingly becoming the 'norm'.

* Loss is inevitably present and part of the formation of any stepfamily situation.

* Children in stepfamily situations can blame themselves or think they are wrong or bad for having conflicting feelings.

* Adults in stepfamily situations can feel guilty, ashamed or not normal for having the feelings they do and therefore avoid talking about them.

* People in stepfamily situations often expect of themselves that they should feel equal amounts of affection towards step relations as they do towards their own biological family and blame themselves when they don’t

* People often blame problems on their stepfamily situation and forget that biological families can also be problematic.

* Often people have an idealised ‘fantasy’ family and are upset when their stepfamily isn’t like that.

* Parents might confuse children's developmental problems with stepfamily problems.

* Stepfamily Situations are broader than the stepfamily household itself. There are often people who are part of the whole situation who live elsewhere and are overlooked.

* Stepfamily parents often have to share their children and ex-partners with people that they feel very little for or even actively dislike. Similarly stepfamily children have to share their parents.

* All families family including stepfamilies are in a 'process' - so when we look at them we are catching a point in time; its like freezing a frame in a film because the family is constantly evolving.