Stepfamilies are those where one or both adults bring children from a previous relationship. Stepfamily situations are those that anybody is living in who is connected to a stepfamily through their children or their partner's children. Some people in stepfamily situations may not have recognised this because their situation hasn't been named, for example single parents whose ex partner is in a new relationship.

People living in stepfamilies and stepfamily situations have different things to deal with than people where everybody is biologically related. For parents in a new relationship there are a lot of adjustments to make and wishes that may not be fulfilled immediately. A new partner, however much loved may have difficulty with children who are not theirs and the children may have difficulty with them. Stepfamilies are a challenge for all people involved: parents, stepparents, children, stepchildren and ex-partners. The reasons for this are many; here are some:

Children may feel that a new partner takes their mother or father away from them and feel as if they are an intruder
New partners and children haven't got a history together
Children feel loyalty to their biological parents, and accepting a new person in their mother or father's place can split their loyalty
Parents can feel disappointed and angry with their new partner for not feeling the same as they do about their children.
Ex-partners can feel threatened by or uncertain about a new person's influence on their children.
New partners, ex-partners, children, parents can all find themselves feeling difficult emotions such as jealousy, competition for attention, anger even hatred, split loyalties and insecurity. These feelings can take them by surprise.

Despite such difficulties there is great potential in stepfamilies. Knowing about some of the possible pitfalls can help, so getting informed is extremely useful. Getting expert support from someone who knows about stepfamily situations can also be invaluable. This might be in the form of therapy, counselling or attending stepfamily workshops.

If you would like to know more, we have a list of useful sites on our links page. Or contact any one of us for further information.